FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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