I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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