I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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