I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
