those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
