We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
