She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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