Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
