Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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