well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
