he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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