I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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