DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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