i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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