okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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