I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
