I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
