At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
