just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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