Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
