Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize