If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
