i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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