I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
