He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
