My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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