I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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