tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
