If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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