He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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