saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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