Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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