oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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