He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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