you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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