When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
