Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize