And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
