the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
