He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
