dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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