Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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