i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
