I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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