i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
