If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
