i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
