I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
