It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
