I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
