Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
