im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
