yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
