Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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