I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
why is half of my head shaved?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
