I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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