I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
