spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is my gift to your gina
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
